Dear in Christ Brothers and Sisters,

Congratulations with the feasts of the Resurrection of the Lord and the Appearance of the Tikhvin icon of the Mother of God!

Several weeks ago, we discussed in detail the process through which a person falls into sin, from the first idea to sin until the actual act itself. Last Sunday we mentioned that true repentance is not simply to regret what we have done, nor just to reconcile with those whom we have offended, but to change ourselves so that particular sin would never again be committed. It is very difficult to come to such true, all-encompassing repentance, but we need to at least have the desire to not repeat our sins. Today let’s think about how a person comes to repentance and what obstacles may arise on this journey.

It seems to me that the process of repentance can be divided into four main stages. The first thing that must happen is a person must realize that he or she has sinned. Sometimes while we are sinning we already know that what we are doing is wrong, for example when we gossip, judge others, misuse the internet, etc. Conversely, there are situations that are more subtle and we may not immediately notice them. Sometimes it is only after many years that we understand that a particular past action was sinful, for example when we treat those older than we are, teachers or parents without due respect. There are also actions that at first may have seemed to us completely appropriate, and only with time we come to realize that they were sinful.

The second stage that takes place is an inner spiritual battle. When we come to the realization that we have sinned, many different feelings and thought can come to us. Shame, regret, hatred directed towards sin and towards ourselves, feelings of helplessness, despondency, and even despair can make themselves known. These thoughts can either help us correct ourselves or lead us away from repentance. We could become lost if we don’t remember that God exists, that He is merciful, that we ourselves don’t save ourselves but that God saves us, that our good deeds are not effectual on their own to save us. The main thing is not to say “I’m a sinner and am not coping with my passions, therefore it makes no sense to repent, or to try to change,” but instead to say, “Lord, I’m a sinner, I continually fall into the same sins and cannot manage to change on my own, but You forgive me for the sake of Your Son who was crucified and suffered, and I, from my side, will once again try not to fall into the same trap.”

After this, new struggles begin. The devil, as well as our own vanity and self-love, begin to work on us. We begin to justify ourselves, tell ourselves that we were compelled to act in such a manner, or that we are not in the least to blame, but instead that some other person is fully at fault, or that in general a particular action is inconsequential, and that no attention should be granted to it, and so on. Here, as was the case earlier, there is a danger that our path towards repentance will be broken without reaching the goal.

The third stage in our journey towards repentance is when we make an effort to make amends. We ask for forgiveness, apologize, return that which was stolen, etc. Sometimes this is very difficult to do. It is difficult to admit to another person that we sinned. We probably have to admit that it happens that we skip this step. It is too shameful or we are too vain to admit before the person that we have offended that we were wrong, and we immediately jump to the final step.

When a person has come to realize that he has sinned, has remembered God, conquered his vanity, made amends as much as is possible, he comes to church, confesses his sin and receives pardon from God Himself through the priest. Sometimes this last step is done in a formal manner without any emotion or spiritual anguish. It seems to me that there is nothing wrong with this if all the earlier stages of repentance were consciously passed through. The act of confession and the reading of the prayer of absolution are as if a seal that completes this whole daunting process.

In theory all of this seems understandable enough, but in truth it is very difficult to put into practice every detail of this process. We need humility to make it work. Therefore, let’s accept with calmness all those troubles and misfortunes that befall us. Let’s not become angry. Finally, let’s remember that our good deeds are not that significant, and are unable to save us on their own. If we keep these things in mind, perhaps we will acquire at least some humility and will be able to not only begin our penitential journey, but also reach its conclusion.

priest Alexis